


I don't mean to put on any pressure, but I know that this thing is right

by An_outsider_looking_in



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_outsider_looking_in/pseuds/An_outsider_looking_in
Summary: This is a prediction/hope for next weeks Pam episode. I want to explore how Ben would respond to that and how Callum may feel insecure because of it.





	I don't mean to put on any pressure, but I know that this thing is right

Ben stopped mid sentence as he saw the old face walking into the Vic. 

"What's wrong?" Callum asked, he held Ben's arm.

"Nothing babe" Ben's response was unconvincing as he kissed Callum on the cheek and said "Shall we go to the prince Albert instead?"

"OK" Callum agreed, he could see how uncomfortable Ben was.

* * *

They walked into the prince Albert, but Ben was still uneasy. He kept looking to the door. "What's going on?" Callum asked once more.

"I just saw Pam Coker" Ben eventually responded

"Oh, why is she back?" Callum asked sympathetically, his tone was soft as he reached for Ben's hand. They held hands and at this moment, Pam walked into the Albert. She had a huge grin on her face as she waved and walked towards them. Ben pulled his hand away from Callum's and stood up.

He hugged and kissed her on the cheek.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Pam said as she indicated to Callum with her hand, he shook her hand and she pulled him in for a hug. 

"This is Callum, he works with Jay at the funeral parlour" Ben said, Callum felt disheartened as the word 'Boyfriend' was intentionally left out of the conversation.

"This is Pam Coker, Paul's grandmother" Ben said awkwardly and they sat down.

"What brings you back to Walford?" Ben asked

"Just some business with the parlour" Pam responded

"Is Les alright?" Ben asked

"He is. He just finds it harder to come back, he needs a little longer" 

"Shall we go somewhere a little quieter, have a chat?" Ben asked

"I've got to head back" Callum said as he stood up, he leant in to kiss Ben and Ben briefly pecked him on the cheek.

"Alright, Callum, I'll see you later" Ben smiled a half smile. Once Callum had left, Pam turned to Ben. 

"He seems nice" She said

"Yeah, it's nothing serious" He lied.

"You don't have to protect my feelings, Ben" Pam smiled as she stroked his hand.

"I'm not" Ben smiled

"Come on, Ben. It's ok, he would want you to move on" Pam smiled, and tears began to form in Ben's eyes.

"I miss him. I didn't realise how much until I saw you" he chuckled and wiped away the tears from his cheek, taking a large swig of his beer. Pam put her hand on his cheek.

"Are you ok? Les and I were worried about you" She asked in a calm voice "We worried that you may be struggling, that you may be isolated"

"I'm ok" he looked into her eyes. "I have Jay, Lola, Lexi" 

"And I see that you have a man in your life"

"He'll never be him, though" a tear rolled down Ben's cheek. 

"I expect not. But he doesn't have to be. You just have to be happy, are you happy?"

"I never thought I would be able to feel happy again. I didn't think I deserved to be happy. Paul was always the better half of me"

"You deserve happiness, Ben" she hugged him into her chest, tears streamed down his face as she stroked his hair. She felt like a mother to him, he felt safe.

"Paul would be happy that you have moved on" she stroked his hair and they hugged for a little while longer. "I'm happy and I know Les will be relieved too" 

"Im worried that it'll happen again. Bad things follow me" 

"You are good, Ben Mitchell and you can't live your life in fear. What happened to Paul was unthinkable but you must not blame yourself" Pam wiped his tear away with her finger, and smiled.

"I think he might be the one. Pam. He makes me better, makes me want to be better"

"Why do you always doubt yourself? You don't need someone to make you a good person"

"I've done awful things, Pam. I couldn't handle the anniversary so I turned to booze, sleeping around and..... Pam put her finger on his lips.

"It's ok, I wish Les and I were here for you, we were unsure about sending the card but I decided that it was the most respectful thing to do, I should have known that it would bring up emotions" Ben listened to her, it was as if no time had passed.

"Now. I think you owe that young man an apology" Pam continued

"I owe him more than that. He saved my life" Ben drank what was left of his beer, it was flat by now but he still finished it.

"Life's too short" He continued and he stood up.

_Meet me in the Vic after work _Ben texted Callum and turned to Pam. He kissed her on the cheek and hugged her, "Will you come to the Vic tonight?" he asked her

"Yes, I'll pop by" Pam took his hand and walked away, "See you soon" She smiled.

* * *

Callum sat in the parlour, Jay walked over to him. 

"You alright?" Jay asked him

"Ben's being strange, Pam's back" 

"Pam Coker? Yeah she did say she would be popping by, helping out with Terry Bates funeral" 

"Ben introduced me as your colleague and now he wants to meet at the Vic tonight" 

"He probably wants to apologize. He does tend to shut in when it comes to Paul" 

"I want him to trust me, talk to me about these things" 

"Maybe he can't, it was a very traumatising part of his history, they were targeted because they were a couple, maybe he's scared" 

"I understand that I just don't want him to feel as though he has to hide things" 

"Go to the Vic, this evening see what he says, just give him some time" Jay patted Callum on the shoulder. 

"It's clear you are meant to be together. I haven't seen him this way, since Paul. You seem to have bought him back from dispair" Jay said. 

* * *

Ben waited anxiously at the bar in the queen vic. 

"You alright?" Mick asked him, "Is it being back here?" he noticed how Ben was nervously tapping his half empty pint glass. 

"No no, nothing like that Mate" 

"Alright" Mick wandered away. Lola and Jay were also in the pub. 

"What you going to do?" Jay asked him

"I don't know" Ben felt vulnerable. 

After a few moments, Ben felt a hand on the small of his back. 

"You alright" Ben turned and saw Pam, he bought her a drink and she sat beside him.

"So what have you got planned?" Pam asked, before Ben could answer Callum walked in. 

"Alright? Ben, Pam" Callum half smiled as he touched Ben's shoulder. Ben took Callum's face in his hand and kissed him passionately. 

"You've changed your tune?" Callum said "Pint please Mick" he said as Mick watched them. 

"On the house, Halfway" Mick smiled and poured the pint. 

"I'm sorry about that. I had a few conflicting emotions. Things I had to work through, most of which I still have to work through" Ben looked down

"Don't shut me out. I want to be there for you" 

"Do you think that you can handle all my baggage?" Ben asked

"Only if you can handle mine" Callum smiled.

"I love you, so much" Ben said, he looked into Callum's eyes. 

"I love you" 

"I know it's all very sudden. But life is too short for regret. Will you marry me?" Ben asked Callum, he felt most uncomfortable by this public display of emotion. But he wasn't afraid anymore. 

"Ben, I..." Callum was a little struck by this. 

"I know it's very sudden, especially after everything with Whitney and we've only been together for a little while" 

"Ben. I love you, you helped me realise who I am" Callum took Ben's face in his hands. 

"But I'm not ready to get married, not to anyone, not yet," Callum said as Ben suddenly felt very embarrassed. 

"Move in with me, let's take this a step at a time" Callum kissed Ben

"I can work with that" He smiled as he kissed Callum's hand. 

"Awww this needs a soundtrack" Lola gushed and whispered to Jay who turned to Pam. 

"You OK?" he asked her, his hand on her arm. 

"I am. And more importantly, he has found someone else. Hopefully he can begin to can heal now, Les will be relieved" Pam patted Jay on the shoulder. 

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps marriage is a little soon but, I think that would be the most wonderful grand gesture. That or moving in together which would equally be wonderful, and probably more likely as the soap will not rush into a wedding. However as this is a fic, I chose to implore both into the scenario. Realistically Callum would not be ready to get married and I think its important that they allow the relationship to blossom. I just hope that Eastenders allows Ben to have a happy ending.


End file.
